Top five questions to decide whether someone should be your friend or not.

1. How much money would it take to pay you to comb your hair into a 'curtains' style?

This should be asked first, if this potential new friend answers with any amount of money then its safe to say you should avoid. I mean, that would be unreal.

2. What do you reckon to the recipe change to sailor j's?

Asking this question sets you up to find out the potential amount of 'drunk calls' you're going to get in the next few months. A solid rant on the matter will directly point at 'shit loads' (if this happens, don't ever answer the phone and take ages to text back)

If however the potential bro/gal is unaware of such a change to the rum, you could be in safe hands to phone them when your night out has gone tits up.

Answering in 'eh' or 'who's gay' means they are just not going to cut it in boozetown, lose a few points there, maybe ask them if their internet business needs any staff.

3. Who would win in a fight between a lion and an eagle?

Believing in the might of the eagle shows a thoughtful mind with well oiled cogs, appreciating the dynamics of the eagles attacking methods translates into an articulate and creative spirit. Would definitely design a super chill t-shirt for your birthday and use correct grammar.

Backing the lion basically means this is a bro/gal who fucks shit up. They don't give a fuck about nothing and will be bare fun/trouble. Risk assessments to be made upon such answer.

4. Chill jacket, where's it from?

All down to branding, what brand is this bro/gal going for? certain shops will let you in on how much bunce they roll with (topshop/american apparel being mid-range, zara/all saints just above range, tk-maxx low range, you get the picture)

Telling you its from some crazy charity shop/vintage shop in Paris will tell you a bit more though, mainly that this person is going to be borrowing all your clothes.

Such an answer could also mean they will have a tendency to take FUCKING AGES to get anywhere. Even as far as being like half an hour late just for a coffee. If you're like this anyway then all should be cool. However if you cannot stand people being late stick to people who buy clothes from above mid range shops, at least then you know they can afford the bus.

5. Yo, Can you just hold my drink while I go phone my ex?

Anyone with any ounce of intelligence about them knows this is generally a bad idea, friends don't let friends do this. If this bro/gal lets you do this, then there is a 10/10 chance they will sleep with your wife/husband, steal your last cig and completly fuck up your xbox/ghds.

All the above is fact, I advise you to print it out and keep a copy on you at all times. I hope I have helped you on one of life's many decisions.