good, bad and the ugly

What a day of immense shite. Raining down on me like a monsoon of inconsiderate piranhas hell bent on dragging me to Scunthorpe with chains of rose thorns...

No bike and no food makes breaking up that little bit worse!

Its O.K though as the world continues spinning. Each and every spin brings us closer to playing with these lovely chaps at bodega nottingham on one night in October (the 7th to be exact)



Yes the little comets, most looking forward to it.

Also looking into the idea of doing an alternative bingo night in Derby.. (yes honestly)

One more word of advice, if you don't know how complicated bicycles work.

DON'T TAKE THEM APART.


xxx

feedback needed!

O.k O.k, so this is the band blog but its mainly me (the 'vocalist') who blogs this shit.

I'm interested in doing a cover because I think it will be fun.

Which of these three songs do you blog followers and randoms think would be best?

yellow ribbon, love shack or we are your friends?? let me know why as well!

xx

procrastination

A few top tips on procrastination.

Someone you might know once said something along the lines of 'time wasted enjoyed is not wasted' or something like that.

So you have something to do? And its really important? So important it needed to be done last week?

Well you better get on it with, why are you reading this rubbish? I'm guessing there are some other tabs open and someone is talking to you on FB chat..

Well sod it, just slack about a bit more. I suggest the best way to go about things is to wait until it is the absolute last minute, have a tantrum and a bit of cry before getting in done in half the time even professionals could do it.

The art of panic. May the power help you on your way. While we're at it, can anyone help me move house.....

Going to gigs

Going to gigs is never a waste of time. Yet it seems to be getting to the point where its dropping down the priority list, underneath such brilliant activities as 'spring cleaning' or watching 'shit tele'.

It seems the the most popular reasons for going to gigs is

1. A popular band who have made it and you know the words to their songs.

2. A mates band who you feel you have to go and see

or 3. You wandered in the venue mistaken it for your own front door in a drunken daze.

How many of you go to gigs not knowing what the band are like or even who they are? Just on the off chance you might discover something?

I mean why the fuck would anyone do that when you can just log on to spotify? I'll tell you why, because its better. Much in the same way sexual intercourse is better than surfing youporn.

In a exaggerated stance, leaving gigs to die and x factor to grow stronger year by year, the charts are going to be fucked over the hmv counter by jedward while credible artists give up writing songs as free downloads don't pay.

I'm sure its all different in London where the fog cleans your clothes and the cashpoints give you free money, everywhere else though, gigs seem to be loss leaders while the dubstep promoters rake it in charging " £7 DOOR TAX FOR DJ SPAZZCOCK'S BANGING SETLIST HE DID INNIT"

If you want to have a new favourite band in 5 years time and you want them to be good, then go to some gigs. Even if the band is shit you can slag them off, regardless of whether you're in a band or not.

(sometimes this is the most fun..)

This weekend taught me a few things.

1. The importance of sleep.

2. Cambridge is full of twats.

3. Rainchester

4. Bowie is king.

And whats with this fucking hipster viral vid? Its fucking everywhere.

booze time.

But its not. The best way to start my weekend travelling about and doing some gigs, is to wait for weatherspoons to open its doors at seven to get my booze on.

Not serving till nine o clock in the morning. This is rubbish. I was well up for booze at seven.

Oh well two hours to go, then I will sober up so the rest of U.K doesn't think ttpf are borderline alcoholics.

Till the next pub with WI-FI!

Dance tax

As we all know, dancing at gigs is illegal. Not only is it illegal but its a massive social faux pas.

We buy fancy shoes so we can look at them during gigs, not so we can wear them out 'dancing'

Luckily our crowd are not ones to perform in such an outrageous way, instead behave way beyond social expectations by sometimes sitting down peacefully.

However I am getting worried that some people will break the rules, start letting go and wasting their bodies precious kinetic energy.

It has been proven in recent studies that dancing is contagious and will permanently give you chlamydia.

To protect you from this we will be imposing a dance tax at everyone of our gigs, all profits will go to buying 'Garfield' and 'Dilbert' cartoon books so you have been warned.

Thank you for your time.

the land of ttpf!

Its all good, that is basically the be all and end all.

Few gigs coming up. Taking our musical adventures to other parts of the land...

Been in 'talks'...

Sad to see that the summer, if it were to be a person, was a complete and utter twat who steals your food from your fridge and masterbates furiously all over your sofa. less said about him the better.

Hopefully studio time soon as we have better, harder, catchier songs.

We have also been approached by 'webuyanycar.com' to write their new advert. exciting times!

xx

old hats

Are just the same as new hats.

Having just realised I have not blogged the existence of our songs being on the internet, I have decided to do such act

search facebook and myspace, some songs there....

Top five questions to decide whether someone should be your friend or not.

1. How much money would it take to pay you to comb your hair into a 'curtains' style?

This should be asked first, if this potential new friend answers with any amount of money then its safe to say you should avoid. I mean, that would be unreal.

2. What do you reckon to the recipe change to sailor j's?

Asking this question sets you up to find out the potential amount of 'drunk calls' you're going to get in the next few months. A solid rant on the matter will directly point at 'shit loads' (if this happens, don't ever answer the phone and take ages to text back)

If however the potential bro/gal is unaware of such a change to the rum, you could be in safe hands to phone them when your night out has gone tits up.

Answering in 'eh' or 'who's gay' means they are just not going to cut it in boozetown, lose a few points there, maybe ask them if their internet business needs any staff.

3. Who would win in a fight between a lion and an eagle?

Believing in the might of the eagle shows a thoughtful mind with well oiled cogs, appreciating the dynamics of the eagles attacking methods translates into an articulate and creative spirit. Would definitely design a super chill t-shirt for your birthday and use correct grammar.

Backing the lion basically means this is a bro/gal who fucks shit up. They don't give a fuck about nothing and will be bare fun/trouble. Risk assessments to be made upon such answer.

4. Chill jacket, where's it from?

All down to branding, what brand is this bro/gal going for? certain shops will let you in on how much bunce they roll with (topshop/american apparel being mid-range, zara/all saints just above range, tk-maxx low range, you get the picture)

Telling you its from some crazy charity shop/vintage shop in Paris will tell you a bit more though, mainly that this person is going to be borrowing all your clothes.

Such an answer could also mean they will have a tendency to take FUCKING AGES to get anywhere. Even as far as being like half an hour late just for a coffee. If you're like this anyway then all should be cool. However if you cannot stand people being late stick to people who buy clothes from above mid range shops, at least then you know they can afford the bus.

5. Yo, Can you just hold my drink while I go phone my ex?

Anyone with any ounce of intelligence about them knows this is generally a bad idea, friends don't let friends do this. If this bro/gal lets you do this, then there is a 10/10 chance they will sleep with your wife/husband, steal your last cig and completly fuck up your xbox/ghds.

All the above is fact, I advise you to print it out and keep a copy on you at all times. I hope I have helped you on one of life's many decisions.

real ale

Even though I believe this is the most unread blog in existence I still feel the need to blog about another blog.

Mainly due to its shared content.

This is up there with the mosh pit in the vic inn, a drunk underage child screaming "ttpf are fucking awesome", one of my best mates saying "I don't like what you do, you sound like the fall" a crap promoter comparing us to the wombats (I wasn't there when this was said) and having said I can't take criticism (fuck you, I get bollocked at work all the time)

Here is what's next

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=336002183928

And studio time is booked. Fucking fuck yes xxx

Laughing at your own jokes

Sometimes (most of the time) I strongly believe that I am the funniest person EVER

Apparently this is a bad trait. Why? This is a question I ask myself many a time. Take this screen shot for example

Now after I typed this is I had to be physically restrained from laughing any more as its the best thing I have ever seen on the internet. Its like my own better version of lamebook.

Charlotte however was convinced it was neither 'funny' nor 'clever' and has taken away the right to use her body as a physical hobby.

I don't care for I 'LOL'D' and will continue to do so.

midi fuck off

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